Neverending rollercoaster ride..

Normal circumstances, we LOVE rollercoasters!!! Can't keep us off of them. Never dreamed there'd be a rollercoaster I didn't want to ride until now.  The past few days have felt like the part of the old wooden rollercoasters where there two or three short hills back to back, you go up and down, up and down, the whole time feeling like you're getting beat too death from the vibration. 

Started out at the top, Tripp was doing well and even got moved down to NICU 2.  Unfortunately, once he got there we weren't pleased with the level of care. In this unit, the staff is used to what they call "feeder-grower babies", which are babies that just need to be changed, fed, and put back to sleep. Tripp just isn't one of those babies yet. He requires a lot of attention, especially if he drops his oxygen sats because he has a gob of secretions stuck in his throat and needs to be suctioned. Well, it only took 2 days and they sent him back down the hall to NICU 3.  Josh and I were relieved to hear this..because we had seen first hand that the nurses in the stepdown unit waited when alarms went off to see if the baby could correct whatever it was on their own.  So we get back down to 3 and things are going well except Tripp is fighting his suction tube more and more everyday. Which is good and bad, good because he's showing he's getting stronger and more alert, but bad because he's wearing himself out and if the tube isn't in where it can suction him, he drops his oxygen sats. And while he is getting stronger, he doesn't have a whole lot of reserve. So if he gets upset and goes down, it takes him a little bit to come back up.  On Wednesday night he really scared me.  I went down after work and when I got there he wasn't acting like himself.  He would go to sleep, wake up and fuss, go to sleep, wake up and fuss...which is not like him at all. He happened to be awake and crying at shift change, I was trying to console him and they made me leave. I was not happy, but the nurse said she would come sit with him in a minute. I hated leaving him while he was crying!! When I got to go back in after shift change, she let me hold him to see if that would calm him down. The minute we got settled in the rocking chair, he calmed down and started trying to rest. Then, out of no where, his sats and heartrate crashed. And my little boy turned blue in the blink of an eye. Thank God, his nurse was right there. She immediately took him and put him back in bed, put the oxygen bag on him and was calling for the practitioner. I stepped out and waited in the lobby.. there are some things as a parent that I just don't need to see, nor did I want to be in their way. It only took them about 10 minutes to get him stabilized again. Turns out he had a gob of thick secretions stuck. Once they sucked that out, he came right back up.  The next day, they decided to put him back on the CPAP to take a little stress off of him. On Friday, they tried to take him back off of it and he didn't tolerate it at all. They drew some labs to check for infection and everything came back good except his CRP and it was only one point high. It should be 10 and his was 11. So they went ahead and started him on antibiotics for 48 hrs just to be on the safe side. They checked his CRP again on Saturday afternoon and it had dropped to 6, which is good and you could tell he was feeling better.. they were able to moce him from the CPAP to comfort flow oxygen.  Yesterday, he was even better. Since he was at the end of the 48hr period, they went ahead and made the decision to leave him on the antibiotics for a full 7 days since he's improved so much while being on it. The biggest frustration with all of this, is most of it is caused b/c he's fighting the suction tube and we can't get rid of the tube until he has the surgery to connect his esophagus and he can't have the surgery until he's above 2 kilos or 4lbs 6oz.  All week he's been hanging out between 4lb 1oz and 4lb 3oz and at 34mL feeds. Finally on Thursday, the practioner agreed to increase feeds so he'll gain the weight to have the surgery. So he went from 34mL to 37mL to 40mL. :)  After the increases, they also started adding protein powder and a little sodium chloride to my milk. His practioners are determined to pack some weight on him!  And let me tell y'all, it worked! He went from 1917g on Saturday to 2007g last night. I'm praying he either maintained that amount or gained again tonight. We're hoping if he maintains this weight for a couple of days without losing any, they'll schedule his surgery ASAP!!

A high point was we were able to spend most of the weekend there at the hospital. On Saturday, my dad took me shopping and Josh got to spend some quality time with Tripp in the rocking chair.  As much as I love to hold him, I love to see him and Josh together. I can't wait for him to be big enough for Josh to teach him how to fish and play soccer and the fun memories we'll make as a family.

Another fun part of this rollercoaster is nearing my due date and facing the fact that I'm not going to be taking my baby home even then.  Yes, I know this isn't a surprise because we were originally told Nov. or Dec. would be when we should expect to bring him home. But that was almost 11 wks ago and we were just trying to make it through the first week. Now that we have a pretty good feeling that he's going to make it and we're coming up on when we should have been bringing him home.. its a little bittersweet. Yes, I'm thankful he's here. Yes, I'm thankful he is some where that can manage his needs! I even understand why he's not ready to come home yet and all that jazz. But it doesn't change the fact that I'm supposed to still be pregnant and getting to go through the excitement of when labor will start, going to the hospital to deliver him and bring him home a day or two after. 

These are just some of the portions of the rollercoaster ride.. scary isn't it?! As I said before, we never dreamed we'd be on this ride. Every day is a new turn, hill, or corkscrew. All we can do if fasten our safety belt and hold on tight, praying for the end to come soon so we can bring our Tripp home.